The Powers of Light
by Bob the Magical Tortoise
Summary: Parody of Shining Force: The Legacy of Great Intention. Rated T for a couple of scenes of drug use. Yeah. I'm too cool to say anything else.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Why would you think that I own Shining Force? Because I don't.

A/N: Time for a new fic. Like the summary said, its a parody of Shining Force 1 in poetry. Rated PG-13 for some drug use. Check it out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Powers of Light

Chapter One 

"Max! Wake up!" he sharply heard

As a voice roused him like a bird,

For in his dream (or so he thought),

He was dead, and left to rot.

Twas Varios, his master, umber,

Who woke him from his deep, dark slumber

He gave the studént a shake,

And then waitéd for him to wake.

Once Max awoke, he listened

To master's talk, while hissing.

He had been knocked out, and now

Ran from his mentor and met Lowe.

Lowe would not get out of the way,

So Max went out to face the day

(and also much wrath, he expected)

But he did not get what was projected.

As the guard came barreling in,

Varios had gone on about a bin

(or something like that; he was

Not list'ning to that master of his).

"They need you at the castle, Sir Knight!"

The guard said in a flurry, bright;

"They fear the monsters at the Gate,

And do not like to watch and wait!"

Astonished by this message grave,

Max was told to prepare, and save

His energy, for they might need him,

Quite póssibly, to follów a whim.

Max tracked the guard, but once again

Was stopped on the way by Lowe, his friend.

"Did you see his face, Max? Something is wrong…

You go find out, _I'll_ find a bong!"

With that, Max was left by his weird friend,

And journeyed to the castle instead;

Once there, he found the advisors

With the King, but without chastisers.

They said, "There are monsters out there!

To us they are giving quite a scare!"

"From Runefaust they are, without a doubt,

And they are not here to cry and pout!"

"We need someone brave to investigate,

Someone bold enough to go to the Gate!"

"Ah, Max!" His master had noticed

He appeared, but his eyes hid no malice.

To Max's shock, they assigned him the job

Of spyíng at the Gate, and throw a corn cob

At what monsters were there. They gave him gold coins

And sent him to gather his troops in Des Moines.

Max left the castle, with all intention

Of going to Des Moines, but heard mention

Of his name. From somewhere behind him

Old Nova stood with crew in lights dim.

"I am Luke the Warrior," the first one said,

"I won't stop fighting till I'm dead!

You can count on me to use good nouns,

You line'em up, and I'll chop'em down!"

"Ken is my name," said the centaur,

(who looked much like his mentor)

"I can fight from anywhere, and take some hits,

But my defense isn't worth two bits!"

"I'm only an apprentice mage, I fear,

But you can count on my Blaze spell, y'hear?"

Said Tao, who would fight wholeheartedly,

And in the Force so wanted to be.

"I am called Hans the archer," said the last,

"And you may think I'm past my prime, but I am fast.

However, I do not like getting whacked,

So, if its possible, put me in the back,"

After the Force had introduced themselves

Nova cried out, "All humans and elves!

It is time to return to the castle now,

So hurry up and go milk your cow!"

But before Max could to the castle go,

Surprise! Up popped his friend Lowe!

He had found his bong, and had gotten high,

And currently was peering weirdly at the sky.

Lowe saw Max in a flash, and dropped his bong,

Then started babbling about being wrong.

Amidst his babblings, he said something about

Going with him, and that was without doubt.

Once Lowe had gone, Max went to the castle

For he knew there were gators there to wrastle;

Unfortunately, the gators were dead,

They were all killed by some weirdo named Ted.

When he heard this grave news he wept and kept

Weeping hard, until he finally slept.

The King gave him orders, to carry out;

He would be shot if he started to pout.

"You must go to the Gate of the Ancients," He said,

"Fight the monsters there until they are dead,

For then – only then — will our kingdom be safe,

From the ópposing forces, and fright'ning knaves!"

"Do you accept this mission? No? Well too bad!

You're going whether like it or not, cause I'm mad!"

Thus the King spake, and sent the hero to

The Gate of the Ancients, where cows go mooo.

He went in a cart with the rest of the Force

To the Ancient Gate, where he would coerce

The monk nearby to join them in battle

Hopefully he would not bring his cattle.

At the friar's house, they met a huge hamster,

Who was acting stupid, and smelling an aster;

They also found Gong, the monk, who was mad;

The monsters had killed his cattle, and he was sad.

"I've been fighting evil Runefaust for many years,

If asked why I'm level one I'll break into tears;

I will join your force bold, and be an asset,

At least until you get a hound basset,"

Gong joined the Force, and they returned to the gate

Where, they feared, many monstérs would await.

Despite the earthquake, they were shaken, not stirred,

And were patiently waiting when the battle occurred.

They fought the battle, and all fought hard,

And with luck no one had to eat any lard;

But the party's leader gave to them a warning;

"Lieutenant Kane attacked you this morning!"

"Lieutenant Kane has conquered your city

But fear not, for he is smart and witty!"

With that, the Rune Knight died, and did not return,

To the land of the living, where there was much concern.

As soon as they heard this, the Shining Force rushed

Away, for they did not want their spirits crushed

By the reality of defeat. They found

As soon as they left more monsters to pound.

After defeating the monsters, the Force quickly ran

Into Guardiana, where they would find their man;

They were stopped by some guards on their way in

Who would not shut up until hit with a bin.

They went to the tavern, cause they wanted a beer

And found that in there was shed not a tear;

The old drunken warr'ior who would not shut up

Had beaten the monsters back with his cup.

After convincing old Gort into joining

They decided a phrase needed coining;

They did this on the way to the castle

And were thinking up something with "tassel."

As soon as they entered the gate, they heard

The minister calling out like a bird;

"Fearsome Kane is attacking the King with his sword!"

And he's just doing it because he is bored!"

They ran into the throne room to find

Their master was sick in the mind;

He threw himself into the dark sword's blast

He did it really, really fast.

Their master died, and Kane, like a coward,

Teleported away, and they had scoured

The nearby area for his trace, but

The King lay dying holding his painful gut.

Var'os's daughter ran up to the King

And accident'ly shattered his vase Ming;

The King told her to follow Max and the Force;

Unfortunately, she thought them all dorks.

"Let's get it over with," she said with gritted teeth,

The others were nervous as she with anger seethed.

They proclaimed their next goal Alterone, to make

Allies in the war, but mostly, they knew how to bake.

They left their city, once so fair, and on the dirty road

Encountered many monsters, who used a secret code.

The code they broke, and kicked their butts, but danger

Remained close at hand, in the guise of a stranger.

They entered Alterone, so great (and quite rich too),

They were glad to find it didn't smell like poo.

They talked to a scary fortune teller,

Who predicted their fortune grave, and in a cellar.

Apparently, the only way to save their butts

Was to go back to Guardiana, and ávoid cuts;

They didn't listen to her one single bit,

But instead just went to have a good long fit.

They talked to people in bars, but no one would join

The Force, even when promised many gold coin;

The castle was open to tourists, so they entered,

And there met many people Varios had mentored.

They found much treasure, and talked to the king,

But found Kane had gotten him with his bling-bling;

Kane put them in jail, but they soon escaped,

With the aid of a healer who di'logue had taped.

The tunnel in the jail led to the new HQ;

Khris, who had joined the great Force, now had a new do;

They exited headquarters, and found that outside

A legion of monsters did now abide.

At the head of the pack was Lord Kane, with his sword

(Although admittedly he looked a little bored);

Then suddenly a messenger to him came

"Lord Darksol wants you, sir, for some mission lame!"

"Max! You have great luck! I won't be fighting here!

Instead I'll leave my monsters while I go have a beer!"

Thus Kane spake, while leaving the little town,

When out of sight, he put on an evening gown.

Max split the Force, and using this great tactic,

During the battle they scratched off a big old black tick

(Oh, yeah, they beat all the wimpy monsters too,

And that wasn't easy, cause they all stank like poo).

After winning the fight and freeing the people,

The king begged their forgiveness from the steeple.

They gave it to him, but it is now rumored

That weasel took all the credit for vict'ries numered!

He told Max to find in the castle the chain

That looked like a dragon's head and great mane

And when he had found it, to give it a pull;

It would lead to a passage unimaginable.

Max did this, and beckoned the Force to come,

He closed the door right in front of a bum.

The passage was just a tiny bare hall,

The door at the end was just way too small.

What challenges lie ahead for our Force?

We will sometime find this out of course.

What is the Legacy of the Ancient Race?

Maybe the Ancients came from outer space?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Well then, review and tell me how it was. Clicky clicky!


	2. An Obvious King Arthur Ripoff

Disclaimer: Guess what. I don't own Shining Force. 

A/N: And the second chapter. Still rated PG-13 for drug use. It's a little more prevalent in this one though, so... Just read the story.

The Powers of Light Chapter 2 

The passage led through the mountains, so high;

They knew it was faster to go through the sky,

But they did not want to offend the king,

For he had shown them where was the ring.

They found themselves in an enclave, which was

On all sides, they discovered, enclosed with fuzz;

Though it would be easy to break their way through,

They wanted to visit the town where dogs go moooo.

The town was annoying and small, but had

A few attractions, namely the theatre,

Which had that interésting play, about

Runefaust's part in their home city's rout.

After watching the play for a laugh

They wandered and soon found a calf;

The calf was annoying, and ate cowses,

As the Force went to rob from some houses.

The Force got some random crap, but not much

In the houses. They did find an object such

That an armadillo was hiding in;

With luck they could get him to wildly spin.

In the biggest house in town, they had learned

That the town was Rindó, and not to be burned.

They had sold all but one of their ships to Kane,

And unavailable was the one down the lane.

"You suck, Mayor!" was their response to his words;

They needed that ship because they weren't birds.

They did the next best thing, and went to

Manarina, where mages practice and sue.

They burst through the northern fuzz, and beheld

A massive force of the undead, who selled

Their weapons, and pocketed the profits

Because they often had coughing fits.

After narrowly defeating the army,

They entered the town so great and charmy;

They were pissed to find that the monsters were

From the city, and it was an accident.

The Force was revived, and soon found Princess

Anri, who believed anything that hisses;

She thought they were lying, and soon ran off

After hearing the truth, she had really coughed.

Max ran after Anri, but got side-tracked

In his security, to not be hacked

(He also got turned into a hen, but

To his death he would not admit, e'en in thought).

He talked to a cocky and pathetic

Knight doing the laundry and mathematics;

He had nothing important to say, so

Max went on to search for Anri down the row.

Upon finding Anri, he talked her into

Joining the Force, and making Runefaust rue

The day they killed her father. Kane would pay

If not soon, then perhaps later someday!

They talked to a genderless master

Named Otrant, who was picking an aster;

He told them to get the Orb of Light, from

The Cavern of Darkness, but with no drum.

The Cavern of Darkness was quite stupid

And easy. They didn't e'en need a moped.

They retrieved the Orb, and used it on the pool.

The Spirit appeared, and they all said, "COOOOL!"

The Spirit told Max that he was to lead

The great Force with all splendor and speed;

Max paid no attention after that talk;

Instead he went out for a boring walk.

After leaving the Spirit they found the knight

Who was cocky and annoying on sight;

He joined the Force and left his baskét

And hoped that he would not need a casket.

They left the great city and went to Rindo,

And when they arrived they put arms akimbo;

They talked once again to the Mayor, who said,

"My grandson is gone, and the dog wasn't fed!"

"The dog wasn't fed?!" They were greatly shocked.

Who would not feed it, unless it was pocked?

They searched for the dog, both high and both low,

They even looked inside a largish sow!

They found him and returned to the Mayor,

Who said, "If grandson back that suit I won't tear!"

They found the Mayor's grandson in the circus tent,

There were also monsters with many knives lent.

The monsters were strong, and led by the teller

Of fortunes in Alterone, by a seller;

She left, but the Marionette remained

And did not wish to clean that carpet stained.

They fought the monsters, and fought well with but

One of their own to fall to the beasts, not cut;

It was the cocky one, brave Arthur, who was

Weakest of them all; he fell for that cause.

With no guardians left, their remained still

The Marionette, who was also called Will.

She seemed unstoppable, and killed many

Before something fortunate happened to Lenny.

Lenny, the grandson, saw the great Force

And knew his grandpa could maybe coerce

Them with a ship. But they were hurt bad

And Lenny soon became very sad.

Suddenly, the Marionette hit Lowe

With such a great devastating blow

That felled the healer, and besides that

Knocked his bong from his mouth, far from his cat.

The large puppet picked up the landing bong

And raised it to its lips, where naught a song

Came forth from its creation. It scrambled

For its lighter. The flames flicked on and trembled.

The bong was lit; there was no going back.

The Marionette would cut them no slack;

But in their hour of greatest need so far,

A miracle would happen that _it_ could not mar.

The bong proved to be too much for the puppet;

The most it could handle proved to be a crumpet.

The Marionette exploded. Lowe sighed,

"For once in life, 'tis good to be high."

Only three of the Force were still standing

After that battle so great, handling

The search for the boy. Lenny came out from

His hiding place, under a steel drum.

The boy was quite terrified, which was right;

The Marionette gave everyone a fright.

He said, "Thank you! She was gonna feed me

To a Dragon. I peed my pants you see!"

Lenny ran home, and changed his clothes, then went

And got himself captured again, and sent

For help. But no one cared this time, for he

Had soiled his pants with so much of his pee.

Max went to the chapel, and raised those bold

Warriors that fell to that monster's scold;

When they were raised, the Mayor rewarded them:

"You can have my ship! I will tear my hem!"

The Force got on the ship, and Nova liked

It. That made all the Force get really psyched;

Then Misheala appeared; she told them to burn;

They would die before knowing what they would learn.

Max left quickly, but it was too late, for

The ship was destroyed, and there were no more.

He talked to the Mayor, who told him such,

"To Uranbatol must go, but its far much."

"I suggest you stop by Shade Abbey first.

Its great and it will quench all your thirst!

Ask my dumb son for exact directions."

Max wandered across all the sections.

"You want exact directhonth? Go thtraight north,

You brainleth moron. Eat cowth not a horth."

Max was pissed off. The man was annoying.

He left for Shade Abbey, plotting and ploying.

The Abbey was so very horrid

And the people there were all so morbid;

Max was uncomfortable; the priest had

A zombie with him, and the people him trapped.

Suddenly he remembered the words that

The bird-woman at the gate with the hat

Had said to him, "Please, help my dear hubby!  
His name is Balbaroy. That means chubby!"

Max sought the shelter of the chapel close

But saw that he was cornered and thought, "This blows!"

He saw Balbaroy. He was more stoned than

Lowe. But somehow he could talk, and plan.

"No! It is a trap!" the birdman yelled.

The priest came in and his evil plan out spelled;

He was Darksol in disguise. He talked some

And then he shut up because he was dumb.

Suddenly zombies and skels appeared,

And some say the leader was a ghoul, feared;

But who cares about that? Let's go to Lenny.

He was talking to Mr. White, Benny.

Lenny is even more uninteresting,

So lets go to the hobbit with the ring;

"NASTY, FILTHY, HOBBITSES!" said Gollum,

But he soon ran out of names to call'em.

Meanwhile, the Force was now comprised of two;

Max was reading _The Taming of the Shrew_;

Tao, the other, learned Blaze level four,

Which would draw heat from Rune's molten core.

They finally killed all the undead creatures,

And turned us back to more int'resting features;

While Lenny was peeing his pants again,

Gollum was trying to eat poor Len.

Shade Abbey was deserted during

The battle. This was a theme recurring.

Balbaroy joined the Shining Force right off;

And Amon too, as they left and caught a cough.

The Force would head to Uranbatol, where

Were many rich people with cash to spare.

With luck, they would find a financier, good

Who would invest their stuff in some new wood.

A/N: Well, remember to tell me how you liked it. Personally, I liked the first chapter

more.


	3. Crappy Weapon of Runefaust

Disclaimer: I do not own Shining Force, Shining in the Darkness, Shining Force 2, Shining Force Gaiden 1, 2, or 3, Shining Force 3 scenarios 1-3 or the premium disk, Shining the Holy Ark, Shining Wisdom, the Shining Force remake, Shining Force CD, Shining Tears, Shining Force PS2, or Shining Force TBA. Just to clarify that. I also don't own Mountain Dew, Randy Moss (that would be slavery), or Gollum(from the last chapter).

A/N: First off, sorry to everyone who was waiting for an update. I know it's been a while, I've just been busy. (Read: lazy). Oh yes, I was going to update Friday night, but my computer was down. Really! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Noma, Tao learned Blaze 4 in chapter 2 because A) I powerlevel a lot, so that's almost normal, B) in the credits, there's a shot of promoted Tao using a high level Blaze spell on the Laser Eye, and C) four was the easiest to rhyme at the time. And without further ado, here's chapter 3.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Powers of Light

Chapter 3: Crappy Weapon of Runefaust

The bird-people led them to Bustoke,

Where people only drank Pepsi, not Coke;

Coughing all the way, they said, "It is clear

That this town to Uranbátol is not near."

"Check the map, my fine birdie friends,

For you are mistaken. Now that one tends,"

He said, while pointing at a nearby girl,

"to cry for her dad. Her bag she will hurl."

"Waaaa! Daddy! Come back from the quarry!

Our real'ty shows ratings aren't soaring!

They think you are heartless! They don't care

That you are a slave without any hair!"

(Of course the Force did not hear this firsthand;

They were watching TV, broadband,

The newscast was reporting on missing

Men from the town. Coming up, _Snake Hissing_)

(Next up was the fam'ly real'ty show,

Which featured the girl, and her sis with a bow;

The father was supposedly gone,

Which caused protestors on the lawn)

(The protestors did not approve

And were trying hard to remove

The show from the airwaves. The father

Leaving his kids alone, what a bother)

The Force needed some extra money,

First they tried shaking down a bunny;

When that didn't work, they sought a job

In the quarry, from a guy named Rob.

They got the job, but lo and behold,

Their employer (who else was so bold?)

Was Runefaust! They tried to quit (but not

Cause of ethics, but low pay and the lot).

The Force led the union to go on strike,

But that didn't matter. They needed Mike.

Mike was the leader, but had been killed

By Runefaust, as an example to Phil.

As a result, their new leader Phil

Was quite timid, and had money nil.

The workers revolted, but unfortunately

The masters had gone on a big shopping spree.

When the slavedrivers returned to the site,

They found the Laser Eye dug out right

Next to Pao Bridge. When the workers asked for

A bonus, they were to be ate by Al Gore.

The Force could not stand this much longer;

They were sick of the fanatic warmonger:

They fought and prevailed, and soon mailed

The Moonstone to Bustoke for Zylo, jailed.

When the Moonstone got made into tonic,

Zylo drank it down (side effects: chronic

Foot odor and mad wolf disease). He then

Created Mountain Dew with some guy Ben.

When Mountain Dew joined with Pepsi, not Coke

Zylo decided to leave Bustoke.

He went to the Force, who were still in

Their hotel. When he joined he slept in a bin.

They soon left for the stone bridge of Pao,

And they had found a bikini for Tao

In the cave with the moonstone. They were

Opposed by the bridge, and were called curs.

They defeated the Runefaustians

With great ease. The foe ran to their bastions

On the bridge. When the Force reached the bridge

They found foes led by a knight named Midge.

"YOU WANT 5 COINS FOR KILLING ALL OF

MY FOES!!!" "Please, it is called mighty tough love."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED! DIE TRAITOR!"

She pushed the merc off the bridge to Al Gore.

They saw the great Force, and started attack,

But they soon found out that the Force could hack

Into their systems, and realize,

That gifts didn't depend on money or size.

But before the Force's party could reach

The actual bridge, it gave way. A leach

Waited at the bottom for the enemy.

From his treebranch, this the merc could see.

"WOW! I'M GONNA JOIN THEM!!!11!!1!1!!!" said the poor n00b,

As the Force went to Merv's Tire and Lube.

When they came out, they were sad to see,

Pelle, the merc, hanging on the old oak tree.

Balbaroy and Amon flew them across

Where they met up with Mr. Randy Moss.

Pelle jumped up the cliff, and kicked Moss off,

And then decided his hat to doff.

"I, Pelle the knight, pledge my service to you,

Assuming you do what I think you do."

"…" said Max, so Anri spoke for him,

"Sure you can join, if I can call you Jim."

With that, the Shining Force departed to Pao

Where they hoped to find pigs and a sow.

Little did they know what impact they'd have

On the citizens there, right on their calves.

A/N: R&R!


	4. The NotSoGreat Fortress of Balbazak

A/N: Woooo, new chapter! Sorry it took me so long. Actually, it took less time then I thought it would. I have a really good list of excuses this time. I had a lot of papers, the testing period just finished, and when I was halfway through with the frickin chapter, my computer decided it would be a good time to randomly restart. So, yeah, keep the reviews coming. Noma, your website is looking good.

Disclaimer: checks eBay for auctions on the rights to Shining Force Crud... someone outbid me. (I also don't own People's Court, nor would I want to, or Kim Jong-Il, though I would like to castrate and choke him)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Four: The Not-So-Great Fortress of Balbazak

The Force had now crossed the stone bridge of Pao,

And were currently asking the new guy how

He had survived. He had caught his large chin

In a cleft in the cliff. But he did not win.

When they reached the town they talked to a guard

Who would not shut up, but yelled the same words

Over and over again. Then they smacked

Him with a large bin. He would end up whacked.

Gort headed straight for the bar, of course;

Killing Runefaustians gave him no remorse.

The rest of them followed him because

They didn't want trouble, like the time with the mouse.

So in the bar, Max ordered a beer

(Gort was already in the triple digits from fear).

When he ordered, the barkeep asked him his name.

Max wondered if it would be the quite the same.

The barkeep told bout the guy in the corner

Who was reciting _Little Jack Horner_.

Max talked to him, and learned much of the plot,

And also that he would soon sleep on a cot.

The man...dragon...THING said that his name

Was Elliot, not at all a name lame;

He warned Max that they would very soon fight

And told him that the battle would not be light.

Max was now weirded out; now they also

Had to drag the drunken Gort to Kosovo.

When they got back they talked to Queen Koron,

Who said, "GET OUT BEFORE WE LEAVE, YOU FOOL!"

So, being chased out by the harrying queen,

Max watched the caravan leave. He was then seen

By Kokichi, who joined the growing ranks

Of what he deemed the great Shining Horseflanks!

(He had the crap beaten out of him by

All of the other Force members when, sigh,

He refused to stop calling it that nickname

Insulting. He was lynched at the end of the game)

So after finding Vankar, the bouncer of Pao,

They went to the church, and obv'ously somehow

Got Jogurt to join (not that it did much good).

They then got Gort from some weirdoes with hoods.

After setting out from the former site,

They ran into Elliot and the rad right;

The rad right were soon dead, because Jogurt

Was stronger than THEM. They died eating yogurt.

The Force rushed Elliot, surrounding him

With strong dudes, then proceeded to beat Kim

Jong-Il to a pulp. (Oh, yeah, they whupped

Elliot, too). Then they their car up-suped.

Upon hearing that Pao had reached it's new place,

The Shining Force set off through all time and space;

After reaching Pao, they talked to the pigs,

And got Guntz from the pen, which was their new digs.

They talked to some guy in the new item store

Who asked if they had any eggs from the war;

They replied yes, and he warmed it up;

And they all had scrambled Domingo for sup.

But all was not lost; they had not yet saved;

The player hit reset and Simone waved

Hello. Unfortunately, he forgot

To not scramble 'mingo and lay down on a cot.

But all still was not lost; for the jell'fish

Had encountered a genie, and had a wish;

He wished to possess Jogurt. He then did

And sold his cracked egg on a web site of bids.

Jogurt's body transformed into 'mingo;

He got all the benefits of all the lingo;

He could float, and he could also cast Freeze;

All this he did with the greatest of ease.

After updating weapons, they headed

To Uranbatol, where there was cheese, fetid;

On the way in they were confronted by

Some random old monsters, telling old lies.

They took out the monsters, and entered the port;

But instead found themselves in the People's Court;

"DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE? HAVE THEY BEEN

MISTREATING YOU?" said the judge, and Gwen.

"WHAT IN THE…" the Force said, before b'ing cut off.

They left from the screaming and started to cough.

After Earnest had joined, they went to the harbor;

For Vankar had said there was a barber.

But lo and behold, inside of that place,

Balbazak was defying laws of time and space

(and in a way you REALLY don't wanna know,

Lest you go insane and become a hobo).

When he saw the team, his first thought was, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

He threw a sheep (you don't wanna know) which said, "BAAAAAAAAH!"

But back to the point. The Force stampeded and

Easily kicked Balbazak into the sand.

He begged for his life, all carefree and sheepy

(Seriously, you DON'T wanna know, it's too creepy);

The Force said no, but he wouldn't shut up

(He might have won had he worn a cup).

When the Force had said yes, Darksol appeared,

He was the one whom Balbazak feared;

He killed the faithless gen'ral in a flash of light;

Then disappeared from all the Force's sight.

His fading whisper still rang in their ears,

And it would even now bring out their fears;

"Take the ship, oh Shining Force, for you will

Not survive. You will receive many bills."

The Force boarded the ship, but still were scared;

The ones not fighting went on People's Court

And beared their personal lives in front of

All of Rune. Then they ate some choc'lates, Dove.

What is next for the Shining Force?

You prob'ly already know, of course;

But they do not, cause that's kinda the point,

For they must their heads with victory anoint.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Well, was that chapter any good? I personally didn't like it all that much, but that's me. Remember to R&R!


	5. Gateway to the Harder Battles

Disclaimer: "Yup, I own Shining Force," the author said. Suddenly, infinite lawyers appeared and cast lawsuit level four on the poor, stupid poet.

I don't own anything. And that includes Mountain Dew.

A/N: I am truly sorry about the four-month wait. Please don't kill me. If you kill me, I won't be able to write chapter six…

On to the story!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Powers of Light

Chapter V

Gateway to the Harder Battles

The fearsome sheep-lover Balbazak was

Dead, never to return, because

He was a coward, who would betray his lord.

He met his end because of his true words.

The Shining Force took his boat, to travel

O'er to the next continent, where camels

Roamed the forests, the hills, and ev'rywhere;

The Shining Force needed all the camels' hair.

The hair would stop Dark Dragon in his tracks;

It would do far more damage than all their little whacks

(The Dragon had a very ticklish underbelly,

And thought that good ol' Darksol's name was venerable Kelly).

Midway through the journey, they were áttacked

By crappy carp, and flying knights, who were hacked

Soon enough by the might of the Force

(Max was hiding below, of course).

Domingo, of course, had the most fun;

He floated around, eating a hot dog bun;

He also continually screamed, asking

"Do you like my helmet!" while basking.

He also gained several dozen Jogurt rings,

Which he gave to the Force, as if to kings;

The Force put them on, and something then occurred:

They looked like large hamsters (on that they concurred)!

Were they doomed to live the rest of their lives

So stupid in appearance? Breaking out in hives,

They tried so hard to get the rings off,

But to no avail. Their helmets were doffed…

And then, as if by a miracle,

A mermaid appeared, and took them to Warál.

Waral was a beautiful city on the sea;

It was a place where kids still said, "Gee!"

It was a strikingly wonderful water resort;

It had sparkling water; it had lots of fish in its court;

There was even a man, a red-haired man,

Who looked strangely familiar, but with a tan.

There was no war; there was no strife;

It was an idyllic paradise.

But the people knew that there was something wrong;

Ring Reef was losing its water, and for very long!

The Shining Force set out to explore

The last stop on their journey so far;

They took the guest boat, and talked to the priest,

Who told them to go and fetch him some yeast.

When they gave him the yeast, sev'ral packets in fact,

He went in the back and came out with his head cracked.

Then quick as a flash the body began to swell;

The Force shrugged, and suddenly said, "Oh well."

They went past one of the mermaid's many

Relatives, and saw the kid named Lenny.

Does anyone here remember Lenny?

The mayor of Rindo's grandson, not Kenny?

Ok, no one cares. The current caught

The boat and swept it with several kumquats

To Ring Reef. All were knocked unconscious,

And the guest boat suffered two aborted launches.

The missing priest from Waral had rescued

Max from the fiery wreckage (Ok,

I lie. There was no fire, and no wreckage).

But the Force could not be found, e'en with a sledge.

So Max went into a cool looking tunnel

(it formed when Ring Reef drained fully, through a funnel).

He saw a Skeleton, from Chapter 2,

And followed e'en though it smelled like Mountain Dew

(Later reports falsely reported that

Max was following Adam, not Matt

The extremely weak Skeleton,

Who talked exactly like George Washington)

The Skeleton noticed Max far too late;

He warned the Master Mage, who would sate

His thirst for blood, at least, so he thought.

But really he would again have the farm bought.

Meanwhile, the Priest was wondering what

Exactly was up with the ship with nought but

Giant frickin' hamsters. Tao told him later

That he was drunk, but for that he would hate her.

ANYway, moving on. Max found the Force

In his pocket. If you must know why, of course,

It's because I'm ripping off Douglas Adams,

Who also created a giant bird that hums.

The Force easily gained victory o'er

Those weak, crappy monsters, rotten to the core.

By rotten, I don't mean evil and crushing.

I just mean they were soft and mushy.

Max ventured to the door the Master Mage

Was trying to open, and get out of the cage

That was his life. The Spirit of the Spring

Appeared with a quick, short "bling!"

She started babbling, and wouldn't stop

Until Max asked to be changed back by a cop.

The Force no longer looked like Jogurt;

They had reverted, and all ate yogurt.

The Spirit was about to open the way

To Metapha, where all their problems laid;

But alas! before she could, the Mage

Blocked the door with big rocks, creating a cage.

The way was blocked by the Mage's last breath;

"But never fear!" said the Spirit, exposed to meth,

"There is another entryway, in Prompt!"

However, they didn't trust her because she was zonked.

The Spirit faded, and they walked out of there,

Out into the wonderful sea air;

They found the guest boat moored by the shack

Where the missing Priest lived, with a cat black.

Ring Reef was once again with water full;

Before leaving, the Force entered a cow pull.

They lost horribly, but then slew the other

Contestants, and also a brother.

They took back their ship, without a hitch,

They also got away quite rich.

They did not have to pay the King

Nor did they buy any of his bling.

Along the way, they were attacked

By sucky monsters, who (once again) were all hacked.

However, the ship was (somehow) damaged

In the fight. The monsters were e'en more ravaged.

With the ship out of control, the Force

Drifted away, aimless without a course.

Eventually, if the wind favored,

They would reach land, in purpose unwavered.

End Chapter V

Gateway to the Harder Battles

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: Chapter V is finally here. Thanks to all the new reviewers, and to Demonic Weasel for keeping on reviewing.

Demonic Weasel: Thanks for the reviews. Glad you liked the Jogurt stuff in the last chapter.

maya miyazono: Did I get your name right? Yeah, I'm a guy.

Kirin'sdaughter: Normally, I would tell anyone who asked be that to just check gamefaqs or Shining Force Central, but since you liked my story...

In first Pao, go to the church. Go inside, and walk to the left wall. Then go up. You should see Jogurt sitting on a magic carpet smoking weed. Rub your eyes. He'll fall over, try to get back up, and fall over again.

Don't ask me why, but that gets him to join.


	6. Something About Dragons

Disclaimer: I own nothing, ok! Nothing, nothing, nothing!

A/N: Well, hopefully, this will make up for the average last chapter. Ah well. I liked the last one… Eh. As usual, thanks to the reviewers. Oh, and Demonic Weasel, as long as I get the review, I don't care if it's belated or not.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Powers of Light

Chapter VI

There will be no chapter title this time, as Bleu thought all proposed ideas too demeaning.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The shipwreck had cost the Force dearly;

Because to Runefaust they were nearly.

But the rudder was gone because of

Barney the monster, who sang about love.

Barney had vanished into the night,

But the Force was off course, which would stay might.

They drifted to Rudo, the land of children;

Or as Michael Jackson would call it, heaven.

But LO! FORSOOTH! I'm using Shakespearian

Words but not coming close to hearing them;

The Force was rescued! Oh happy day!

Michael Jackson would not with them play!

I'll stop abusing Michael Jackson,

Hey, he was acquitted (and pack some

The umbrella man might)! But moving on,

Max was asleep, thought to be a con.

"Max! Wake up!" he sharply heard

As a voice roused him like a bird,

For in his dream (or so he thought),

He was dead, and left to rot.

Twas _not_ Varios, his master, umber,

Who woke him from his deep, dark slumber;

Instead it was a little girl

The kind that make M. Jackson hurl.

I'm truly sorry, I could not resist!

Max tried to punch his assailant but missed.

The young girl calmed him down and told him

To talk to Karin, and his armor to be holdin'.

He talked to Karin, and learned about Bleu,

Then talked to Krin, who would the lawn mow.

Krin told him 'bout the Manual of The Seal;

And also prophesied about the town of Yeel.

All Darksol needed was the Manual and the Key;

He had gotten the Key while the Force was at sea.

The Manual was protected by in Dragonia

The Ancient Dragons, and Trump Melania.

However, only one Dragon remained

Bleu, the infant crybaby, maintained

The defense (sorta). Bleu could not do it

On his own, not e'en a little bit.

Max and crew would set out to help young Bleu,

And also picked up a big garden hoe.

But between them and Dragonia stood

Monsters unheard of among the brood.

Led by a Durahan (mistranslated, you see?)

Who would make them sleep and in their beds be.

Many more monsters would appear during

The course of the battle, the Force's wrath incurring.

The Force prevailed, but not without losses.

They could not afford this before fighting bosses.

They entered Dragonia, but in a sudden flash,

They ree-lized that in HQ they had left their cash.

They tried to go back, but all for naught;

The tourist bureau of Dragonia had caught

Each and every one of them. "Come, stay at

Our shrine, with a very large vampire bat!"

They visited Bleu, who was sore afraid,

For his TV and rad'io had begun to fade.

But Karen entered, and called him a baby,

Bleu cried and then said, "Humph. Well, maybe."

Then, a scream! a shout came spouting from the Rune

Knight, whom Karen had kicked in the balls, and swooned.

Bleu came down and breathed on the Knight. His breath

Was so bad that it killed the Knight named Seth.

They ran out, and met Kane(slash)Cain,

Who said, "I will not stop being a pain

Until you break my mask off. Did you get that?

BREAK MY MASK OFF! But please don't touch the hat."

"Go back to your silly old HQ,

And make your preparations, oh please do."

Max heeded Kane(slash)Cain's words, and returned

To his Easy-Bake oven, and crossaints he had burned.

Everyone was able in body and in mind.

But no one was ready for Kane, they would find;

Kane(slash)Cain's monsters were wimpy, without

A doubt. But Kane himself, well, he showed clout.

They decimated the monsters, and fought

Hard against Cain, with the broadswords they had bought.

But Cain was invincible. He had killed

Lyle with just one blow, while his cup he filled.

Anri and Tao lay dead on the battlefield;

Zylo's body was gone, taken by the well-heeled

Cain's Dark Sword magic. Bleu had lost his tail,

Which always disarmed him without fail.

It was Max's turn to step up to the plate,

To attack Cain, so filléd with hate.

He struck a mighty blow down low, and Hark!

Cain was crying on the floor, with a dog that barked!

His mask broke off, and he revealed

That he and Congress had repealed

The Fiftieth Commandment.

(Whatever that is. Now go open the vent!)

Kane revealed that he was Max's brother,

A shocking fact that would make anybody stutter.

They went into the shrine and opened up the vault;

The Force needed funds, and it could always be Kane's fault.

The tourist comp'ny spoke again, "About time!"

The voice said. They went inside and ate a lime.

But now the seal was broken! Before they

Could get in, Darksol teleported without paying!

Taking the Manual, he tried to kill them both;

But, although to do so he was loathe,

Max turned tail and ran. Kane disappeared.

Max ran far far away from all that he had feared.

Back in Rudo, Max resurrected the Force;

And then traded in their beer for a horse.

They packed up the headquarters with katamari,

And all but Max left to go watch Barney.

Max went to talk to Krin, about the Seal.

She asked if he had it; he answered her nay;

She cried, "Oh crap," as unenthusiastically

As it could ever possibly be.

"You must go to Demon Castle, for there you

Will find Mishaela, who smells like Gong's shoe.

She is a dangerous witch, with her Bolt Two.

This day you will fight her, and it she will rue!"

The Force traveled through some rough terrain,

But they did not have to eat any monster brain.

The monsters were not all that strong, but

The Force did not have the defense of a hut.

Their foes ended up dead, forever gone

To the fiery place, with many'a gruesome bone.

Max and crew proceeded into Skull Castle,

E'en though it wasn't worth the hassle.

Skull Castle was deceptively big;

From the outside it looked no bigger than a pig.

But the Force, many treasures, and many foes

All squeezed into the place, and a few hoes.

"These hoes are for digging your graves!" said

That great villainess' husband, Ted.

Mishaela pushed him out of the castle's eyes,

While all the Force screamed, "SHAMELESS FOUL LIES!"

The great crew of twelve began the Great Chase;

They had to prevent Mishaela from hast,

In which she would release a virus.

Wait, sorry, that was _24_. Stupid sirens.

They dispatched the Gargoyles and archer-types

With the greatest of ease, and without hype.

The Master Mages were pathetic;

The Force had no recourse but to be sympathetic.

Bleu and Kokichi caught up with Mishaela;

They killed one of her mistranslated bodyguards,

But were struck by Bolt Two. "That tingles!"

They said. Then, "Please pass the Pringles."

The rest of the Force soon caught up.

Max was constantly yelling, "HUP

TWO THREE FOUR HUP!" The Belials were no match

For the Force and their great and mighty door latch.

Last was Mishaela and her one bodyguard.

The Durahan moved on the Force, and hit hard

But missed. Max sliced it in half neatly.

Tao was grossed out by it's guts, all mealy.

Mishaela was throwing out Bolt Twos all around;

But they were no match for the Force's large hound,

The greatest of fighters in all the world,

Not Max, but another: the Indomitable Fred!

However, Fred had about three hit points.

Ninety-Nine attack, but three hit points.

He was killed immediately.

So artistic, but expediently!

The Force's great military might

Triumphed by the end of the fight.

Max found many great treasures, and also

The Sword of Light. And some diamonds, faux.

The Force would journey on to Prompt.

They would hopefully find the descendants

Of the Ancients there, with no prank calls

About Porky Pig, and the color of the walls.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: Nice long chapter there. Sorry it took so long. I started writing it about right after I finished the last one, but I got major writers block. School has started, so I'm going to be able to write even less often now. Sorry everyone. I hope you liked this. Only two more chapters left! Review now!


	7. MaybeThisCivilizationShould'veSTAYEDLost

Disclaimer-type-thing: Don't own Shining Force. Like that's anything new. Also don't own Green Day. They're too awesome to be owned. Don't own the Red Hot Chili Peppers or Californication. I don't really care about that, though. Don't own _Kill Bill_. Screw it, I don't own any-fricking-thing I write about in this chapter!

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. School has really been draining my initiative. Ok, so actually it's not mostly school. I've been having some turbulence in my personal life that I'd rather not talk about. ANYway, Demonic Weasel was the only one who cared enough to review. So he's the only one who gets any culinary delights this time around. That's right. I'm bribing you now.

Be warned that this chapter was written under the influence of repeated listening sessions of Green Day and Switchfoot.

* * *

The Powers of Light Chapter VII Maybe this Civilization Should've STAYED Lost

* * *

From Mishaela's castle the force did travel

To the land of Prompt, full of dirt and gravel;

'Twas said, that in Prompt, the Ancients still lived

On in their descendants, who were rather miffed.

However, in Prompt, the Force could not see

Any evidence of Ancients; not even me!

The people of Prompt were all stupid and dull;

They did not know a deck from a hull!

Max was nonplussed; he could not believe

The stupidity of Ancients would make him heave.

All they could talk about was food and drink;

It was as if they could not even think!

Aggrávated by the Promptian's stupidity,

The Force proceeded to Castle Liberty;

The King was rumored to not make hollow

Sounds with his head; pigs will wallow.

They talked to the king, but all for naught;

He declared them Runefaustian spies without thought!

They were led to a cell, deep in the bowels

Of the castle, where dark things growl.

They were thrown into jail, and immediately,

They searched the barred door, and ingeniously,

Boken the mysterious came rushing in!

(And before you ask, he did not have a fin!)

In reality, Boken was someone whom we know quite well;

His name starts with M and ends with X, and there is no L.

At this point, if you haven't figured it out, you are sad beyond belief;

Really, at this point, I feel for you with grief.

Anyway, at the ripe old age of thirty,

Max took a trippy ride with a birdy dirty;

The bird left him ten days later,

With the kids and bills and mortgage. Hater.

This ride was on a time machine, however,

So everything is relative, especially in this endeavor.

Anyway, the two went far, far back in time,

And I really can't make this stupid line rhyme.

They went back to the time of the Hack'n'Slash,

The time of Shining Souls. And burnt hash.

And upon the divorce, Max took some poison.

Sadly, it was from the Holy Grail of Boysen.

Therefore Max had eternal life;

And thus did it taste like a very good pie.

To distance himself from his former self,

He began calling himself Boken the Elf!

He then became a wanderer;

Helping heroes in ev'ry age; er…

I was going to say something else, but then I forgot…

So…How 'bout Eva Longoria? She's hot.

Anyway, moving back on topic,

"Boken" is today's highest hot pick

For rescuing Max from the fate

The all pretty-boys suffer in jail, as bait.

"Boken" walked in and said, "Yo, wassup,

Other me…I mean, Max! Buddy up!

Erm…What are you doing here?

Wanna go to the bar and grab a cold beer?"

Max pointed out that he was kind of trapped;

Boken said, "No problem," and twice clapped;

The warden came over, with hearts in his eyes;

Max never got over the trauma of the vice.

But hey, at least our hero was free! …Right?

Was it really all worth it? Or does right make might?

Max consoled himself with Green Day CDs;

As Boken gave random people beads.

Boken ran off using the lamest excuse;

He said, "Ummm… I'm moving to Waral, dude!

…Cause I like Fish… Ya know. I do like'em…"

And then his pants, way far up he hiked'em.

Max wandered back to the throne room

Where the king was listening to reports called Boom

From the Tower of the Ancients. Assuming

That Max had heard, they sent him moving.

Max had no clue as to what was hap'ning;

So he just wandered around napping.

Eventually he saw Jogurt running into things;

…Normalcy can be comforting, as can One Rings.

He looked at a random sign again,

Except now he could read it without wolfsbane!

It read, "Sailor Musashi is stalking you.

He is now in your HQ with cows that go moo…"

Max said, "What the eff!" quite justifiably.

He went to HQ and found Musashi angrily

Doing… acts… unspeakable acts… with a cow.

And all anyone could say was simply, "HOW!"

Max turned away and ran, having too much trauma

For one hellish day. He cried Mama.

But his Mom, being, you know, kinda dead,

Didn't respond, making him feel like a weight of lead.

So Max eventually got told his mission by Nova;

He did his business and left town and his hovel.

He and the party encountered some mech enemies

Who were no match for noisemakers or knees.

They entered the tower and found some cool stuff,

Though none of it made Max look really buff.

On the other hand, there was the Red Hot Chili Pepper

And Californication. Go White Zephyr!

They fought a battle in the highest parts of the tower,

Gaining the almighty unique Valkyrie; however,

It was soon to be mass-produced.

The Industrial Revolution was loosed.

They entered the Tower's Inner Sanctum,

But not before the Demon Master predicted their doom;

Alef and Torasu said, "YO! Whatup!

You can't beat Darksol. Now we'll shut up."

When the point that the Force was stronger,

Better equipped and had six times the people for longer,

Alef and Torasu started acting like two-year-olds.

Then they started messing with their robes' folds.

Max rolled his eyes and went farther up,

Where Darksol was drinking from an overlarge cup.

He noticed Max, and was preparing to kill,

When Kane rushed in and showed them _Kill Bill_.

Darksol was captivated. He killed Kane

And made Max go through a crap load of pain;

But that was mostly because Tarantino sucks;

And I'm not going to rhyme this line; I don't use that word here!

Darksol ran off and Nova's magically

Floating head popped up and did stuff drastically.

The head told Max that Alef and Torasu had

Joined them. Max groaned, and returned to being sad.

Back in Prompt, they randomly decided

To go to Metapha, where two robots hided.

Their names were Adam and Chaos, lost tech

Of the Ancients. Chaos is going to Heck.

First they got the Sword of Darkness (DUN DUN DUUUUUN!);

Then they proceeded on their way with a buuuuun.

Now that no one blocked the entrance,

They beat the heck out of it with a lance.

Proceeding through, they eventually found

The Spirit of the Spring, now weighing a pound.

Somehow, they didn't notice Adam, even though

He was standing in the middle of the room, using a hoe.

The Spirit apparently could not come back

In one of the worst plotholes that this game should lack;

The Force started to follow Adam, stopping at

Random times to look at a very pretty bat.

Then they stopped and Chaos walked in,

Ruining the perfectly dramatic scene

With his stupid "Errror… You guys suck.

Come here and die you young buck."

Chaos was pathetic, though his minions gave trouble;

They teamed up to destroy the Telescope Hubble.

The battle was over, but nothing would stopo

"DOMO ARIGATO MISTER ROBOTO!"

Max quickly killed all who chanted this mantra;

Unfortunately, that left him with only a lantern.

He resurrected the Force under the conditions

Of never singing the song again without permission.

Max returned to Metapha and merged

The Light and the Darkness, both on the verge

Of annoyance at the song by the name

(Hey! I like this song!) _Macy's Day Parade_.

The Chaos Breaker appeared in the middle;

But the real puzzler, the big riddle,

Was why were the Light and Darkness still there?

Shouldn't they have disappeared into thin air?

Oh well, no one cares, now do they, really?

Anyway, Max talked to the Spirit named Billy;

Wait a minute, I thought she was gone?

What the shicking frap? Where is the bon-bon?

He returned to the Castle and got some

Useless information about the state of rum.

Then they prepared for the final assault

On Precinct Thirteen! And maybe the pole vault.

As they left Prompt, with the Promptians no longer

Acting stupid (although Max did not notice due to hunger),

They encountered Runefaust's hastily mobilized

Defense Force, completely randomized.

The Force kicked their weak butts with the greatest of ease,

Those dashing young warriors on the flying trapeze!

The Armed Skeletons were kind of a pain,

But their days as top dogs were beginning to wane!

The Force busted down the gate of the sister

City of Guardiana: blistered

Protectora, now known as Runefaust;

They ended up bringing down the house.

But now I'm getting ahead of myself, as you can see,

So I digress, and go to kill children wee.

Hope you had fun with this story, for it

Will soon end, in just a little bit.

* * *

A/N: …Yeah, just review the stupid chapter already. Cause I just spent about five hours straight writing this thing. We're about finished! Yay! I'm going to turn this into a series, for your information. Next will be _The Powers of Light II: Clubbing Ancient Baby Seals_, followed by _The Powers of Light 1.5: Conflict Occurring Somewhere in the Middle_, and maybe _The Powers of Light CD_ (working title). Hope you enjoy having your expectations being crushed by long waiting times in between. 


	8. If The Ancient Castle Stays Risen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

* * *

_The Powers of Light_

_Chapter VIII_

_If The Ancient Castle Stays Risen For More Than Four Hours, See Your Doctor Immediately_

* * *

"Runefaust at last!" the Force happ'ly moaned;

At last they could get back the weapons they had loaned!

But first, they looked at a pretty flower;

They found it to bring one of semi-great power!

"I am Hanzou the NINJ," the note said,

"I await you in headquarters, not quite dead.

Ph34r l\/ly 1337 l\lil\lj4 P0\/\/3r! Pirates suck."

The Force accepted, though they needed no fried duck.

Rolling their eyes, Max's group did proceed;

They longed to defeat the Dragon, to do the deed!

They felt like the Ancients (aliens or just from Rome?).

But most of all, they wanted to go home.

So long had it been since last Max had seen

Sweet Guardiana, his old life, and the glorious bean

That he loved like a brother.

With affection that bean he did smother.

That bean was Max's only friend;

The bean was the only one who would ever lend

Max a hand, a favor, anything.

Oh, yeah, and Varios, too. But he's dead.

Getting back on topic, Max left the bean behind;

Before leaving, he had a heart-to-heart with the blinds

And then the bean. He explained that it was too

Dangerous for a bean like him. I mean, cows go moo!

Now Max missed his bean, his bestest friend;

You would too, if Lowe was all you had.

Lowe was constantly stoned; Oddly enough,

On the same bong from chapter one… Good stuff.

True, Lowe's bongs had gotten them out

Of many a fix. That showed clout.

Well, OK, it was actually more like one.

But it did add a fair amount of fun!

Upgrading their weapons one final time,

They paid their last tourist fee of twelve dozen limes.

The tour went through Mahato's castle,

Where, guess what: They found gators to wrastle!

The Force was in shock! Max was overjoyed.

Now there were gators to wrastle, all named Lloyd!

Here in Runefaust, there was no weirdo named Ted

To kill them all off (or so he thought) with lead.

Unfortunately, as was already

Predicted by my awesome powers (girls, steady!)

Of (pause for thundercrash) FORESHADOWING(!)

(I tell you, it's completely maddening.)

As soon as Max even TRIED to wrastle,

Weirdo Ted came in and laughed at the castle.

Why he did this I do not know.

I thought he would kill the gators for the show.

Oh, never mind, Ted just slayed the crocs.

Guess my AWESOME POWERS were right. Dumb jocks.

Because he had no more gators, Max started to pout;

Incredibly pissed off, Mahato took the shot.

Max quickly face-planted, although it was not as seemed;

Mahato was simply dealing with his rage (MEAD!)

By getting severely drunk. Yes, using mead.

At least mead suppressed his normal human greed.

Max quickly conjured up a bucket of cold water;

Don't ask me how, just accept it. Welcome Back, Kotter.

He hit "A" and selected "Item" from the random

Clichéd pop-up menu, at which point he hit "Use." Dumb.

"No Effect" was his only reply.

Enraged, Max kicked the bucket. No, he didn't die.

He simply kicked the bucket of water really hard.

It flew away and hit a trav'ling bard.

The bard, being incredibly emo,

Composed a song about his whole

Horrific ordeal of getting hit with a bucket.

He was swiftly murdered in the interests of good taste.

Anyway, somehow the water still hit

Mahato, and much more than just a little bit.

He quickly sobered up, although, admittedly,

The difference was hard to see definitively.

Mahato began babbling incoherently:

"Oh, genderless sibling Otrant, STOP it PLEASE!"

Max quickly stabbed Mahato with the Breaker.

He decided he was better than an L.A. Laker.

Mahato started talking clearer:

"Oh, hey man, Darksol's gone for some beer.

Little does he know that I have my own

Secret stash of Bud!" Max moaned.

…In pleasure, I can assure you!

Budweiser, please oh please don't sue!

Max enjoyed a nice fresh Budweiser®,

Fresh from the magic fridge of Kaiser.

Max took the clues Mahato had gave him,

Remembering one in particular from the sim;

Ramladu, the King of Runefaust, was now

Darksol's official Beer Wench. But how?

Max attempted leaving, and swiftly found

That the guards would now let him through to the pound.

He rescued Jogurt from there and swiftly

Tossed him back into HQ, where he died thrifty.

He could now also access Ramladu,

And his pet cows that do NOT go "moo."

Instead, they go: ickywickytangwangbee

Ah, the heck with it: NI!

Attempting to enter the castle with the Force,

They ran straight into Darksol! …Of course.

"Hey Max. Have fun with my Beer Wench.

Course, I won't be needing him after this. French!"

Of course, in the Ancient Devil tongue

(Which I just made up while using my lung),

"French!" is the most dreadful insult one can receive;

It really is quite the pet peeve.

They walked into the castle, and for the first time,

They met Ramladu, class BRWN! …Got a lime?

Before fighting, he offered them a beer;

When they refused, he tried to incite fear.

He ran away crying when that did not work;

His pets attacked instead; "Dumb jerk!"

He screamed. Except for the Chimerae,

Most of the pets were easy as pie.

Have you noticed a flaw with that analogy?

Pie isn't actually that easy to make? Why

Did that expression appear? What smarmy

Jerk came up with that? Not me…

Back to the battle. Max easily won

And proceeded up the room in a hot dog bun.

Don't ask. Ramladu threatened revenge for his pets,

And released his robot puppies to settle all debts!

The Crew had fun slaughtering those;

And if this were not a poem, but prose,

There would be a description of this epic battle.

Sadly, this isn't. It's a fetid piece of cattle.

Max took on Ramladu one on one.

Ramladu quickly kicked the giant hot dog bun.

He claimed to be wielding a Holy Staff,

But it looked more like a mace. Go ahead, laugh.

Max kicked Ramladu's surprisingly strong

Butt with no casualties. And nothing went wrong.

Ramladu suddenly started hating Budweiser®,

And the magic fridge Kaiser.

He died free of being the Beer Wench,

But without being able to press bench

A lot. Attack ratings aren't everything.

…You'll die if you start to sing.

At the same time, Nova found a secret door

Leading to the Gate of the Ancients. Poor

Max had to go without earthquakes this time.

…And there was no magical mime.

Somehow knowing what to do,

Max went to the (very obvious) peninsu-

La and used the Glowstick… err, Chaos Breaker.

The Castle of the Ancients rose up from the sea…

"How those little gray guys built something like

That always amazes me… Mike'N'Ike?"

Said Nova, revealing more than anyone

Thought he knew. He obviously won.

Max ran to the Gate to find it somehow unlocked;

"This is bad," he thought, "My comp is overclocked

And anyone could have broken into the Gate!

Silly Darksol! You wouldn't be a good mate!"

He entered the Teleporter as fast as he could;

He really needed to chew Darksol out, but good!

He made it through, but found blocking his path

The giant Colossus, most fearsome in math!

It split into three, the best to divert

Max and the Force. The group took care of Bert

And Ernie, formidable foes,

And then prepared to strike a great pose.

In taking on Colossus, they remembered their training;

Freeze three, circle tight mainly;

Blaze three, just attack as hard as you can;

And Bolt three… You're screwed.

Nevertheless, they still defeated the final

Monster in a display of great idle

Fortitude. Amazingly, the wall collapsed

And steps appeared! They walked up them fast.

Upstairs, they found Darksol engaged in a

Dark Ritual. Shocking, the news today.

Just as he was about to raise Dark Dragon, too.

Stupid youngsters and their cows that go "moo."

The Force confronted the twisted Devil King,

And realized they had to bring

Some beer if they hoped to win.

So they left to get some Heinekin.

Returning with the beer, they thrust it

In Darksol's face. He self-destructed.

All the enemies died too, but sadly

This triggered a cut-scene, though very badly.

In it, Darksol moved into the Dragon's head.

The hardest part was fitting in the bed.

The Dragon had now woken up;

And lookie here, he had some luck!

Food! Right next to him! Oh, he was hungry!

He cackled madly and lightning flashed drunkly.

Now the Force began the final assault.

This time it was real, this time there would be no fault.

It was the final battle,

And truly, they all fought well with the cattle.

Dark Dragon was quickly subdued.

Or so they thought…

* * *

A/N: If you think there's something missing, don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Hope this was good… 


	9. Epilogue

Disclaimer Finale: Don't own it.

A/N: …Aaaand the ending! Almost done! Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this! Just an actual note: This chapter is not intended to be funny. It's actually supposed to be serious. Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it! _Au revoir…_

* * *

_The Powers of Light _

_Epilogue_

* * *

The Force made a mistake,

A dreadful mistake;

The Dragon was not really dead!

The Lord of Evil wantéd to be fed!

As fast as he could, Max drew out his sword;

He looked around him, and without a word

Plunged the weapon into the Dragon's center stump;

A ferocious scream, and then a thump!

The world was saved! They could go home!

But that soon passed; an earthquake shook the dome!

The Force quickly looked to Max to get them out;

But behold, Max not yet up and about!

He was bound to the sword, he soon realized!

Trapped, condemned, resigned to demise!

He gave up on himself, but not on his friends;

He cast Egress so they would see home again.

The familiar white flash, that sudden light feeling,

The Force was back, in need of no healing!

But looking around, joy turned to sorrow;

For Max was not here, today or tomorrow…

Max, great hero and friend,

Would never come out of that Castle again;

Some watched and some waited,

While others just mourned, their resolve abated.

The Castle sunk down soon after that.

Deep into the deep sea, the deep vat.

The Force returned to their hometowns,

To visit their respective families and crowns.

Swallowed by the murky brine,

The Castle of the Ancients was lost forevermore;

It took Max with it, a constant vigil;

Or so we think…

Somewhere far away, evil stirs…

Not the green toad-like farmer, something worse…

That land needs a hero, and he works on a farm.

That hero's name, you ask?

You already know.

_  
Fin_


End file.
